Wednesday, December 3, 2014

On to Business

In the next few days and the next couple weeks it was all business. I woke up in the mornings and took a shower talked to my brothers and my Dad. In those moments I knew the importance of family. Not just the ones you are born into but the ones you create. My brother's girlfriend Laura was there for the whole 2 weeks of hell. She called out of work and went with us each and every place and was there to comfort my brother. She was also the person who found my mother when she fell in the bathroom and the person who rode with her in the ambulance. For that I will forever be grateful to her.

My younger brother his best friend Jenielle was there from day 1. We took my friends back down to the city and picked up clothes from my brothers apartment and picked up Jenielle. She also moved in for the next two weeks. Going back and forth between school and our house.

Those women provided a constant comfort to not only my brothers but to my family (my Dad and myself). It also highlighted the missing portions of my life. My Mom and I were kind of two peas in a pod, I was either texting her, calling her, or talking about her. I lived at home and never even took dating serious. I didn't know if I wanted to get married or have children but what I did know was I wanted to be with my Mom. The weekend before she died we went to BJ's and ate ice cream in the rain after we discovered we could order it threw the Dunkin Donuts drive-thru. She was everything to me. Now that she was gone I felt like I had nothing. Everyone else had built up in other parts of their life but I had only concentrated on one real area. With that area and support gone I was lost.

But the lost feeling.... well I wasn't able to really explore it as I now was the person who made all the decisions. Everything having to go threw me. Having to do things you never thought you would have to... picking out a casket, the lining, the plot for her to be buried, the cemetery, the church, the picture for her prayer cards, what she was going to wear. The world was so surreal, I was on auto pilot. Trying to be strong for my Dad who was lost. After almost 28 years since they met and 25 since they married he didn't know what to do. My Dad is 51 years old. He has spent over half his life with my Mom and now the thought of not is consuming him.

Its hard to be around him. My Nana wants to be the head of the ship making the decisions and being apart and now every family member was my Mother favorite. It was almost comedy. I know my Mom and as amazing as she was.... everyone wasn't her favorite.

But I guess these are the things you find interesting in times like this.

No comments:

Post a Comment