The day my life changed started like a normal day.
My mom had been a little loopy the last few days but we chalked it up to her fibromyalgia medications. I got up and got ready for work, taking one of the last rides with my neighbor and friend before he moved to Florida to start a new life. I got in the car and headed down to the city to get on the train. We talked we laughed and right as I was about to get out of the car my phone rang. As someone whose phone rarely rings with a phone call especially from my brother at 6:45 AM I quickly picked it up. He told me that my mother had fallen; because of how loopy she had been I wasn't completely alarmed. He said he called the ambulance and that he was waiting for them to get there. I told him I was getting on the train to work and to keep me posted. I got on the train worried but not overly concerned. I got to work turned on my computer and my phone rang again. It was my brother telling me that my mothers heart stopped in the ambulance. I was numb. I put on a new out of office, I sent and email to my bosses to let them know I was leaving for the day and ran to grand central. I called my best friend who assured me everything would be okay, but the knot in my stomach would not be tricked. I was standing at the machines to buy a ticket to take the first train back home when my phone rang again. My brothers voice breaking in sadness on the line as he told me "Mom died". All I could do was to scream no. Breaking down and falling on to the floor in the middle of Grand Central people rushing around me but my world had stopped. People tried to help to comfort to see what was wrong, but all I could do was scream. I felt like I was falling into a black hole. My best friend, my teammate, gone. I wanted to die, It was the first time in my life I ever wanted to die, that I ever prayed to die.
I was taken to the waiting room in Grand Central by the police and cried on a woman's shoulder as my best friend was called. Linda works in Queens but told the officer that she was on her way. I cried for over an hour. My Co-worker turned friend Shami called so many times that I had to pick up and when I told her what happened; her take charge personality she told me she was on her way. She sat with me while the shock started to come in. Then my Linda came and then my Mari came, college friends turned family. They rode the train with me, they went home with me. They were there when my dad broke the news to my youngest brother. But the whole day I operated in shock.
When night fell, so did the tears. I couldn't sleep and my friend Sal brought me natural sleep aid pills that I would take for the next month to be able to get a decent nights sleep.
As I closed my eyes that night I only could think to myself..."now what"?